Thursday, December 13, 2012

You Don't Want Me Here? I'm Out.

I will not be returning to church when the new year starts. That was my plan for a while, but recent events have made it clear to me that is what I need to do.

A group of Mormon Feminists created a Wear Pants to Church Day. I've stated my opinion on that here on the Exponent. Recently, responses to this event have gotten even stranger than the ones I listed in my Exponent post. Organizers have received death threats. Women involved have gotten messages from people they don't know calling them sinners and all kinds of horrible names. The event page has been taken down, either because people were protesting it so much that Facebook took it down or because of the death threats received. People are being threatened with violence for suggesting that women have the option to wear pants to church. Pants = Death. This is not okay. This is wrong on a fundamental level. And these are members of the LDS church threatening to kill other members over pants, over gender equality.

I realize that this is a fringe group of members. I realize that there are many members who are wonderful people, including my friends and family. But if this craziness is what the church attracts, I just can't stay. If something so simple as questioning a cultural practice (not a church doctrine) creates this kind of reaction among members, there is little hope for changing gender inequality in the LDS church any time soon. It is so entrenched that people go insane defending a cultural expectation. So while I love my Mormon family and friends and know they do not support the behavior exhibited by other members, I don't feel I can stay in an organization that breeds this kind of mentality among some of its members. So I will not be returning to church after I wear pants this Sunday to show solidarity.

8 comments:

  1. You may be disappointed to learn that all organizations that include humans breed this kind of mentality because organizations involving humans always seem to involve humans.
    It makes you wonder if the organizations are really the problem at all. Either way, I hope you feel super-equal this Sunday.

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    1. Oh, I won't feel equal. That's why I'm leaving. Thanks for the thought though. Yes, all organizations are flawed. Some are just more flawed than others. And not all claim to be God's one true church. I believe if an organization and it's members make a claim like that, they should be held to a higher standard of behavior; death threats should not be coming from God's one true church. And the fact that all organizations are flawed doesn't mean I have to sit by and say, "Oh well, guess I have to put up with being treated badly because all organizations are flawed." If you want to be part of the problem and feel okay about it by saying everything is flawed, go ahead. I'm choosing to work with groups that have some chance of doing good in the world and recognizing their own flaws. I hope you enjoy your apathy on Sunday.

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    2. Yes, humans can be looked at as "flawed". Or we can rephrase/reframe that thought to "what can we learn from this system that isn't working, isn't fair, isn't equal?"….

      To go deeper…I do not believe we ALWAYS lived in a society that had organizations…and that all organizations need to be run by hierarchy - which is most of our political, religious and business organizations. Patriarchy as we know it has only been around for 4500+/- years…and humans have been around for 200,000+/- years. I believe for some reason we needed to try out patriarchy/hierarchy…and that now is the time for us to realize it isn't working but that we are imaginative, creative and resourceful beings…that we can look at ALL of history (both pre and history), see what worked, see what we learned from the "flaws" and create something new….

      just some food for thot and what my movement will be creating. For now you can catch me at www.practicejoy.info….

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  2. I know that they don't represent all Mormons, but I am absolutely appalled at some of the people who posted negative comments on the event page. The calls to repentance, the "then why don't you leave?"s, the disregard for any dissenting opinion, the complete lack of compassion...I'm disgusted. Too many value conformity and comfort over critical thinking and sympathy.

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    1. yes, I had my share of this in the christian church and on christian blogs as well. The thing is as a society we are "growing up" emotionally immature adults that cannot handle a grey world. They are still children - and the black and white world is much easier to handle. they have made sacred scriptures that were originally meant to encourage thinking, non-conformity but contemplation on the "mysteries" of life…well they have turned these scriptures into a do/do not do list so they can still live in their black and white world. That - to them as emotionally stunted adults - is "easier and safer"….I used to be disgusted at them too…now I just hold space for them to be children and hope/pray that they would find whatever it is that they need to be set free from their prisons they have made for themselves…just some food for thot. You can catch me over at www.practicejoy.info.

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  3. That is truly disturbing, but not at all surprising. I haven't attended church in months and no longer consider myself a Mormon--I swear, it has been a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I hope it is for you, too. Also, I just came across this website I think will lift your spirits maybe a little http://whenincomments.tumblr.com.

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  4. Hello my dear sister. I just did a search on the term "feminine wound" and you and I both came up. I blog for now over at www.practicejoy.info. I'm birthing my own company right now, moving my blog and focusing on helping women learning how to "divorce" gender roles, patriarchy, abuse and the masculine dominated religious arena…in order to "burry" these old ways of relating (that is what divorce actually means)…so that new ways of being and relating can spring forth. I just want you to know you are not alone . I hear you - I too left the church (christian) and would love you and your sisters on join me in the movement I am starting…a new way for us to be women…to set ourselves free and to radically accept ourselves as the amazing people we are.

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